The art of non-insulting people

Click here for Italian version.

On 10th December 1948 the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was adopted by the United Nations. The rights in question support the dignity of men and they are inviolable and inalienable, which means they are indispensable for living. However, they are not regulated in all States by law yet and consequently they are not protected, this means that their violation often passes without complaint and condemnation… If you think about it, the death penalty is still in force in some countries, or about the degrading living conditions of too many (still) populations. If you think about racial hatred, homophobia, bullying… Yes, that’s right, homophobia as well as the death penalty is violence. The world is making progress, soon moral violence will be as punishable as physical violence. What if one day even insults will be considered violence? It happens very often, in a world of envy, to be insulted and receive low blows to self-esteem. So I thought, on this International Day, about some tactics to manage humiliation and practice, in opposition to the Great Master Arthur Schopenhauer, “the art of not insulting people”:

  • “What others think about you is their problem, not yours”

This phrase is said a lot of times. I want to be clear though, you should listen to people as long as they give constructive criticism of your person. If you don’t listen to them just because of the wrong tone of voice you’d never know how to improve, so just listen and analyze. If you want you are free to not answer and go on. It’s not arrogance if you have listened and found that those words are destructive to you, you have the right to not answer and be respectful looking forward. As my great grandfather used to say: “Listen, understand and then do what you want”

  • Being aware that everyone is living his interior fights and battles

Remember that. Everyone should respect you and you firstly should respect others. Imagine that we are all living a life with some difficulties over the years. Most of the time the lack of respect occurs due to lack of knowledge of the other person’s state of mind. There’s a way to discover what’s wrong in relationship with the others, and it’s in this simple phrase:

  • “When you do ___ I feel ___”

For example: When you raise your voice at me I feel powerless and upset. This little mantra should take place in your routine to make clear your point of view. Sometimes people underestimate things and feelings but we don’t know what others think and feel. This mantra should simplify all the process, and it works, people that make things clear are not likely going to argue! They fight for fewer things; that’s a great step forward.

  • Reject violence

Violence doesn’t solve any problem and on the contrary, it increases them. And anybody should repeat that into their minds when it comes the time. Rejecting violence and letting space for communication is a large step to don’t practice violence at all. I wish this could be extended to the whole world:

“When it gets down to having to use violence, then you are playing the system’s game. The establishment will irritate you, pull your beard, flick your face to make you fight. Because once they’ve got you violent, then they know how to handle you. The only thing they don’t know how to handle is non-violence and humor.” – John Lennon

Lascia un commento